Rooting through Castle
Records
By Geoff Boot
Rooting through the Castle Records, I came across a
chance item scripted in Oldie English. It seems that the tranquil
Enbrook
Valley
of yesteryear may well have been the place that the first Farming took place
in the
British Isles
. Could it be that Farming was invented in the principality? This long lost
ancient document tells the story of how it all begun and I can reveal this
in public for the first time.
Shortly after the dawn of time, two Sandgateonians met
while out walking in the
Enbrook
Valley
. After the usual exchange of pleasantries they were both apparently
“Middlin” one began running a speculative eye over the surrounding
terrain.
“You know” he said reflectively “things are
getting a bit quiet round here, not much happening. So yesterday I invented
farming”,
“What’s that? is it legal” proffered his
companion. “I don’t like the sound of legal, never heard of it!”
“Never mind that, all we have to do is call ourselves
Farmers and start running farms, we’ll grow produce, farm animals and sell
on to our neighbours who haven’t had the wit to invent farming. We’ll
make a fortune”
“But what happens if people don’t buy our produce?
The whole thing sounds like a bit of a non starter to me”.
“Well there are difficulties but no problem. I
thought of a solution and I’ve just invented Government subsidies for
Farmers, Brilliant or what?”
“I’m not sure about that, if we’re gonna have
Government Subsidies, someone out there’s going to have to invent
Government”
“OK I’ve just invented Government”
“But where’s this Government going to get the
subsidies to give us? Tell me that!” “Hang on a minute what I need to do
is invent taxes. People will pay these to the Government then the Government
will give these to us as subsidies”
“But surely we’ll have to pay these taxes as
well”
“Mmmm don’t worry we farmers will simply hire
ourselves good Accountants and they’ll sort matters for us, whoops remind
me to invent Accountants as well”.
“The next thing you know of course, people in towns,
well when they’re invented will be going around saying you never meet a
poor farmer”,
“Well the rest sounds pretty good, you can count me
in”.
So there you have it on reflection not only was farming
probably invented in Sandgate, but we invented Government and Taxes!
Suzie is not impressed and suggests on reappraisal of
the document. My Old English Translation is not as good as it could be and
Farming has been misread, it should be fermenting and perhaps I’ve been
drinking too much of it’s by product.
| Written for the Sandgate News - December 2005 |